Nervousness, anticipation, excitement, curiosity…some of the things that I’m feeling about this coming Saturday. I’m going to Illinois to present a paper, that I wrote, at an undergrad conference. It’ll be my first time (I hope their gentle with me). I really have little, to no, idea what to expect. It’s a two day conference with people presenting on both Friday and Saturday. I’m in the very last session on Saturday, so I’m thinking that maybe not too many people will still be hanging around; however, there’s a reception that immediately follows so…anyone’s guess is as good as mine. I’m totally thrilled though that my work has been taken seriously enough to be included here. It’s very encouraging and it helps give me hope that my academic pursuit is not in vain. After all by the time all is said and done, I’ll be quickly approaching, if not already at, 50 years old by the time I get my PhD. It’s nice to feel that people are taking me seriously, you know?
Anyway…the paper…I’ve examined the plot line in Charles Dickens' Our Mutual Friend, that concerns Lizzie Hexam and Eugene Wrayburn. I argue that even though Lizzie ends up marrying Eugene, a step that would normally be seen as advancing oneself in society, she remains a willing subordinate to him. Basically, I’ve integrated Althusser’s theory of interpellation and Ideological State Apparatuses (ISAs) along with John Fisk’s theories on Cultural Studies and Naturalization to demonstrate that instead of leaving the subordinate position behind her when she marries, that the dominant/subordinate relationship just shifts from one of class structure to one of domestic structure. Obviously it goes into a lot more detail, but that’s the general argument. And…yea…it was accepted by the panel of the undergrad conference. I’m really very thrilled, when I found out about it I was jumping up and down. I think one of my professors believes that I am truly insane, oh well; he probably was on to me before this anyway. *chuckle chuckle*
So, this Friday I’m off. Wish me well because I am very nervous. It’s like “Yikes!” and “Yes!” at the same time. My professor who’s mentoring me for the presentation says that I’ll be fine. I believe her, really, no really I do. It’s still just that, whole in the back of one’s head thing. You know the one? The one that keeps questioning you quietly asking, “What if you make a fool of yourself?” You know; that one? I know it’s just nerves and that it’s normal to feel some apprehension before getting up in front of a group of people. I know that. I keep telling myself that. I’ll be fine…yes…yes…I’ll be fine. No negative thoughts here, nope, none at all. I’ll be just fine, uh huh. K then. Wish me luck.
