Guilt

So it’s June already, freaky. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long between my posts, but hey, I suppose the calendar doesn’t lie. It’s just sort of weird though. When I was in school, the time flew by so quickly I could barely keep up with things; I was constantly on the move. Now that I’m out of school my leisure time, yes, has increased; but I still find myself running short of time to do things. It’s like I feel justified in taking time off, sitting back doing whatever I feel like doing. I’ve watched more DVDs in the last month than I watched all last year. I’m enjoying it, but I have this nagging guilt gnawing at me in the back of my head. It keeps telling me about all the things I think I should be doing like; writing, or weeding the garden, doing some landscaping around the house that I’ve put off for two years now, fixing my sewing machine so that I can make all those clothes that I have on the “to do list”, finish that damn paper. Instead, what do I do? I sit around and watch DVDs and play RPGs (I feel so productive). I guess it’s ok to relax for a while although I’m not perfectly clear on that. I can’t recall a time when I ever actually did that. I would suspect, though, that it must end sometime and I will have to return to the world of reality. Yep, I keep telling myself that, yes, yes I do. So, here I go…getting up…going to make some productive use of my time…yessirye bob…here I go….moving now…well shit, it just doesn’t seem to be working. I guess I’ll have to give it a bit more time.