The Recovery

So, after yesterday’s post and the tragic ending of a beautiful life I feel that it’s necessary to try and balance that negative with a positive. In this day and age we have all been witness to the trails and tribulations of our modern world. We have watched innocents be slain in genocides, mass murders, and murder suicides. We have all watched as the moral decay in our society has grown disproportionately to the moral well being of humanity. The earth itself is in pain over the way we human beings have treated ourselves. The question is, why? Why do we allow ourselves to suffer so? Why have we broken our bodies and minds to the point of anxiety, suffering, loneliness, and shame that we have? We have all seen it. We all know it’s out there. Everyday we question ourselves as to, “How can someone do something like that?” or “How has humanity gotten to the point of such cruelty?” We long for heroes and to hear word of good doings. We look to the sky with hope that things will get better, and there my friend is the key. The fact that hope is still present and alive in the human animal is what allows us the opportunity to change the world one person at a time, starting with our self.

We have all heard the call down deep inside us. The desire to be the best we can be. We long to fulfill our potential, so why not start today? There’s a book out there that’s been around for a while now. You may already be one of the ragpickers who have read it, maybe you haven’t, yet. I first read the book a little over 16 years ago and it helped change my life for the better. You see 17 years ago I was one of those people drowning myself in booze and drugs, looking for a way out of the thing I feared most, humanity. It’s easy to see the world in all its awfulness and then justify to yourself why you don’t want to be a part of society. The fact of the matter, though, is that it’s nothing more than fear. Fear that you may actually live up to your potential and then be responsible for not only your life, but the lives of those you touch. It becomes easy to say that you don’t matter and that no one will notice if you’re not a part of the game, but we all know that’s a cop out. We all have that gut feeling that tells us we do matter, we want to matter. The time has come to face the fear people. The book is called “The Greatest Miracle in the World” it is written by Og Mandino and it does carry the secret to peace of mind and happiness, seriously.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a religious person. I am without doubt spiritual, I always have been. I don’t believe that you have to be either Christian or religious in any manner to read this book and arrive at the benefits from it. While the book may seem to have a religious context to it, the message is actually much deeper than any religion ever has been. The story is an instruction manual, seriously, on how to alter your subconscious thought and create a positive mind that automatically sets your soul to heal itself and the souls of others. It trains your mind to become an instrument of hope. I strongly suggest that every person read it and sincerely follow through with the 100 days. It will change your life. I read the book again last night, after 16 years and I can see how it changed mine. Funny thing as I began to read the memorandum again, tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them; something inside me knew that I have been witness to the greatest miracle in the world. Honestly.

http://www.amazon.com/Greatest-Miracle-World-Og-Mandino/dp/0553259148/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252764921&sr=1-2

Life Goes On

So I haven’t written again for a while, I know. I had some issues, man. Seriously. Some of you know that I’ve had some health concerns going on for a while now. Well, I’ve gotten new word on my condition. I’ve known for some time that I have Degenerative Disk Disease, that’s why I have so much difficulty with my back and all that lovely sciatic nerve pain. I’ve also been having a lot of other stuff going on too.

Basically, because I haven’t had insurance I’ve been unable to find out for sure what the deal was. I lost my insurance about two years ago. My doctor, at that time, suspected that I had either Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis due to the many symptoms I had been displaying. I lost my insurance just before we were able to do the blood work to provide the final diagnosis. That means I’ve gone for the last two years, now, still having to deal with the crap feeling but not knowing what it is or having any way to treat it.

So, enter, HIP, the Healthy Indiana Plan it’s insurance provided by the state for people who do not have insurance due to either their financial status or because their employer does not offer it. Any way, I qualified and now I have insurance. This is a good thing and on a side note I feel I need to say (even though it makes me cringe) that Gov. Daniels did a good thing here with the program. So, insurance. That means I have been able to go to a doctor again. And I did.

I had the blood work done and now we know that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. This has brought on a lot of mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, it was suspected, so it’s not exactly a surprise, and yet, it still feels surreal. It explains a heck of a lot, like the many, many attacks of pleurisy and the fact that some days I’m literally too sore to walk, or why I can’t grasp objects sometimes. The explanation is there and on a very positive note, now that we know what it is, I can begin treatment.

The way I understand it I have a decent chance of feeling much better once the treatment begins. That would be a welcome relief. I’m pretty tired of feeling crappy all the time, you know? I go to a specialist Friday and then we’ll see how things go. Yet, amidst the good stuff there’s still this lingering feeling of doom. I guess it’s having one’s fears confirmed or something. Maybe it’s just making me feel old. I don’t know. Like I said before, surreal pretty much sums it up. So I find myself caught up with these mixed feelings of hope and depression. I think I need some time to sort it all out. I’m really, really hoping the treatment will make me feel more human again, but after living in this much pain for the last several years I find myself afraid to hope too much. I guess we’ll just have to see. So, there you have it. My update on me. Sorry the post wasn’t more upbeat but…yeah, well, f*ck it. That’s life.