Reawakening

I’ve been trying to convince myself lately that my lack of writing has occurred because my life has been so busy and hectic. I think that I’ve been making excuses, though. While I have been extremely busy with kids, grandkids, puppies and kittens, not to mention everyday life stuff; the fact of the matter is that I just haven’t had the motivation to write.

I was told that a writer needs to write something “everyday” no matter what. I believe this rule of advice has been more trouble to me than help. You see, I’m not the type of person who reacts well to orders, and that’s kind of what this feels like to me. It makes me think that if I don’t write “everyday” like a good writer does, then I must not really be a “true” writer. Somehow, I’m deficient, less than the other “good” writers. There must be something in me that is unworthy of writing if I don’t do it everyday. Yes, I get that not all writers “feel” like writing everyday; but it goes beyond that.

I become resentful if I have to push myself to write. It becomes work when I have to do something I don’t feel like doing, and while writing may be my job it shouldn’t have to be “work”. Isn’t that what the saying, “If you do something you love then you never have to work a day in your life” mean? So, if writing is something I love to do, then it shouldn’t be work, correct? Unfortunately, though, when I force myself to write it becomes just that. Then, to make it even worse, if I miss a day the guilt begins to build. I don’t handle guilt well; I think this is why I try so hard to avoid guilt. The guilt of not writing builds up so strongly, and so quickly that it soon overwhelms me and I just give up altogether. Yes, I become a quitter.

Now, here I am months later and I haven’t written so much as a single word. In the back of my mind I keep hearing this nagging voice, “You should be writing everyday” and I try very hard to ignore it. Finally, this morning I worked past the guilt and decided, screw this….I feel like writing so I’m going to write. And so it is. I believe I’ve made up my mind to completely ignore the rule/advice of “a writer needs to write something everyday”. I think that from now on I’ll write whenever I damn well feel like it and screw the rest of the time. I can’t take the pressure of working like that; it’s not in my nature. I write because I love to write, not because it’s my job. If the day again arrives that this becomes work instead of pleasure I’ll probably stop writing again until I get over it. Until then, I’m going to write when I feel like writing and I’m going to spend time with my partner, kids, grandkids, the puppies and kittens, my garden, and my home in the meantime. I’m going to enjoy this life that I have been given and not work it into the ground. This is my new philosophy…I’m giving up on writing as my job and putting it back where it belongs…in the category of enjoyable things. Thus endeth the lesson.

The Recovery

So, after yesterday’s post and the tragic ending of a beautiful life I feel that it’s necessary to try and balance that negative with a positive. In this day and age we have all been witness to the trails and tribulations of our modern world. We have watched innocents be slain in genocides, mass murders, and murder suicides. We have all watched as the moral decay in our society has grown disproportionately to the moral well being of humanity. The earth itself is in pain over the way we human beings have treated ourselves. The question is, why? Why do we allow ourselves to suffer so? Why have we broken our bodies and minds to the point of anxiety, suffering, loneliness, and shame that we have? We have all seen it. We all know it’s out there. Everyday we question ourselves as to, “How can someone do something like that?” or “How has humanity gotten to the point of such cruelty?” We long for heroes and to hear word of good doings. We look to the sky with hope that things will get better, and there my friend is the key. The fact that hope is still present and alive in the human animal is what allows us the opportunity to change the world one person at a time, starting with our self.

We have all heard the call down deep inside us. The desire to be the best we can be. We long to fulfill our potential, so why not start today? There’s a book out there that’s been around for a while now. You may already be one of the ragpickers who have read it, maybe you haven’t, yet. I first read the book a little over 16 years ago and it helped change my life for the better. You see 17 years ago I was one of those people drowning myself in booze and drugs, looking for a way out of the thing I feared most, humanity. It’s easy to see the world in all its awfulness and then justify to yourself why you don’t want to be a part of society. The fact of the matter, though, is that it’s nothing more than fear. Fear that you may actually live up to your potential and then be responsible for not only your life, but the lives of those you touch. It becomes easy to say that you don’t matter and that no one will notice if you’re not a part of the game, but we all know that’s a cop out. We all have that gut feeling that tells us we do matter, we want to matter. The time has come to face the fear people. The book is called “The Greatest Miracle in the World” it is written by Og Mandino and it does carry the secret to peace of mind and happiness, seriously.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a religious person. I am without doubt spiritual, I always have been. I don’t believe that you have to be either Christian or religious in any manner to read this book and arrive at the benefits from it. While the book may seem to have a religious context to it, the message is actually much deeper than any religion ever has been. The story is an instruction manual, seriously, on how to alter your subconscious thought and create a positive mind that automatically sets your soul to heal itself and the souls of others. It trains your mind to become an instrument of hope. I strongly suggest that every person read it and sincerely follow through with the 100 days. It will change your life. I read the book again last night, after 16 years and I can see how it changed mine. Funny thing as I began to read the memorandum again, tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them; something inside me knew that I have been witness to the greatest miracle in the world. Honestly.

http://www.amazon.com/Greatest-Miracle-World-Og-Mandino/dp/0553259148/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252764921&sr=1-2