Reawakening

I’ve been trying to convince myself lately that my lack of writing has occurred because my life has been so busy and hectic. I think that I’ve been making excuses, though. While I have been extremely busy with kids, grandkids, puppies and kittens, not to mention everyday life stuff; the fact of the matter is that I just haven’t had the motivation to write.

I was told that a writer needs to write something “everyday” no matter what. I believe this rule of advice has been more trouble to me than help. You see, I’m not the type of person who reacts well to orders, and that’s kind of what this feels like to me. It makes me think that if I don’t write “everyday” like a good writer does, then I must not really be a “true” writer. Somehow, I’m deficient, less than the other “good” writers. There must be something in me that is unworthy of writing if I don’t do it everyday. Yes, I get that not all writers “feel” like writing everyday; but it goes beyond that.

I become resentful if I have to push myself to write. It becomes work when I have to do something I don’t feel like doing, and while writing may be my job it shouldn’t have to be “work”. Isn’t that what the saying, “If you do something you love then you never have to work a day in your life” mean? So, if writing is something I love to do, then it shouldn’t be work, correct? Unfortunately, though, when I force myself to write it becomes just that. Then, to make it even worse, if I miss a day the guilt begins to build. I don’t handle guilt well; I think this is why I try so hard to avoid guilt. The guilt of not writing builds up so strongly, and so quickly that it soon overwhelms me and I just give up altogether. Yes, I become a quitter.

Now, here I am months later and I haven’t written so much as a single word. In the back of my mind I keep hearing this nagging voice, “You should be writing everyday” and I try very hard to ignore it. Finally, this morning I worked past the guilt and decided, screw this….I feel like writing so I’m going to write. And so it is. I believe I’ve made up my mind to completely ignore the rule/advice of “a writer needs to write something everyday”. I think that from now on I’ll write whenever I damn well feel like it and screw the rest of the time. I can’t take the pressure of working like that; it’s not in my nature. I write because I love to write, not because it’s my job. If the day again arrives that this becomes work instead of pleasure I’ll probably stop writing again until I get over it. Until then, I’m going to write when I feel like writing and I’m going to spend time with my partner, kids, grandkids, the puppies and kittens, my garden, and my home in the meantime. I’m going to enjoy this life that I have been given and not work it into the ground. This is my new philosophy…I’m giving up on writing as my job and putting it back where it belongs…in the category of enjoyable things. Thus endeth the lesson.

Just Another One of Those Poem Things in the Works

Making a Meaning

Can anyone make sense of life, real sense?
Who can call the cards before they fall?
Who can sing the song of the prophetess?
Life is splayed before our eyes and
even then
the sense has left us.

There is no waiting in the wings for the
Bird of Paradise has gone the way of the Phoenix.
The electric sensation of the heartbeat filled kiss
prolonged and left for wanting
in the memory of
beings.

Singing in the soul the creation of beauty
the lifeforce of the fermata
which slips into silence and
exhilarates the blood in the living creature;
we who crawl into the
world of forgotten midst and
burst into fury.

There is no collar for the savage
creator of our own mind.
The deck cannot be stacked or
counted on for anything but
the toss of the dice and the lady
whose luck is not her own.

Beyond the door of the setting sun
the fire ignites the path of recollection
and foresight.
But who is it that can gaze on the
corona and still contemplate the fate
before them?

Fairytales

Once upon a forever ago there was a blog writer who tried to write her entries with some degree of regularity. Unfortunately, her life took hold and things got into the way and prevented her from writing. That in itself wasn’t too bad, but after a while she lost interest and turned her thoughts elsewhere. She found it difficult to focus her attention on a blog that she felt just wasn’t doing all that well anyway. So, in her mind she justified not writing in it for a long time.

Then one day, after checking her blog count she realized that she had a large count. In other words, people were reading it. She continued to track her blog hits and found, ironically, that she was receiving more hits since she had stopped writing than when she was pursuing it regularly. While this was perplexing to her, she found it very interesting as well and thought she would try an experiment.



She wrote a new post and put it up on her blog, and then she waited. She decided she would track the number of hits the new post received to see if the interest would continue. So, with an anxious mood, she waited, and waited. But, since it had only been a few minutes since her post, she was unable to retrieve any useful information. She called it a day and figured she would check tomorrow.

In the meantime she planned her children’s D&D game for the evening. They’ve come pretty far and have realized that the old mansion they are in is not haunted after all. It was, in fact, being used by smugglers who attempted to keep people at bay by making the place appear to be haunted. And yes, while she did have to semi lead them in that direction, given their ages of 9, 10, 11, and 13 they did a remarkable job on their own. Tonight, they have the clean up work. They need to finish going through the mansion so that they can collect all their bootie. They have killed all the smugglers but there is still a room full of skeletons for them to take care of, unbeknownst to them of course.



In the end, the writer closed her new blog entry with the promise of letting people know how the whole tracking experiment went and how the D&D turns out. And perhaps, just perhaps, the writer will once again make a serious attempt to post on a regular basis.

The End

I Think

I think I’ve been feeling a bit guilty for not writing on the blog lately, although, it’s a two way road. Honestly, I really just haven’t felt like blogging. I’ve been spending a lot of time working on my book but even that probably hasn’t been what’s robbing me of my motivation. Facebook has been taking up a good deal of time lately. I find myself spending a good two hours on it when I log on, either talking to friends or just catching up on all of the game stuff that is sent to me. I don’t really need to be on there, but it has been nice visiting with my friends. I suppose I’m allowing it to be a distraction, or an excuse for not writing. When it comes down to it, though, I think the real reason is that I don’t really feel like I have anything that important to say. I find that I’ve thought about writing on several occasions, but I’m having trouble coming up with a topic. I guess I figure if I don’t have anything to say, then why say anything? That said, this entry is strictly written to relieve that guilt feeling I have growing in the back of my mind.

I don’t like the idea of neglecting the blog for several different reasons. One, I don’t want people who may be following the blog to think that I’ve abandoned it. Two, when I don’t put forth an entry I feel like I’m slacking on a project that I have undertaken. Three, I feel guilt because when I don’t write, I also neglect reading other people’s blogs. That makes me feel like I’m letting those people down.

While I have a strong desire to create an entry each day, that obviously will not happen. I do try to post on a fairly regular basis, though, but even that suffers at times. So, the long and short of it is this. I suppose I’ll post when I feel like I have something worth posting, otherwise I won’t. I will, and I do, try to come up with topics that I feel are worth the post because I would like to keep them coming on at least a semi-regular basis. I guess we’ll have to see what happens.

One last thing…just in case you haven’t heard. President Obama will be coming to Elkhart this Monday, the 9th. From what I understand, since Elkhart now holds the honorable position of the highest unemployment rate in the nation, the president will be drawing attention to the need to rebuild America’s industries. I think this should be interesting and just thought that some of you may like to know that.

So, there you have it, my guilt entry. Maybe the mere act of writing an entry will spur me on to further entries. I guess we’ll have to see. TTFN

I’m in a Stupor

Really, I want to do some serious writing, but I’m having some trouble here. While I’d like to do this Blog entry, I would actually prefer to be working on my novel. The problem with that, though, is there’s too much activity going on right now to be able to bring my thoughts together. So…frustration ensues.

My brain is spending a little bit of time here and a little bit of time there, but I can’t seem to bring enough of it together to even get an entry out of it. Honestly, it’s taken over an hour just to get this far.

I have 19 year old daughter in crisis mode, 9 year old son in birthday day mode, birthday cake bake mode, chicken and noodles super mode, writing mode, cats on the table mode and the world has gone and left my brain to cope. That’s a dangerous thing to do.

So, today’s entry is just this. Here’s hoping tomorrow I can get things together. Peace.

Where to Now?

Time for a new poem. I felt the need to create today and so, here is the first draft. Where it goes from here is anyone’s guess. Don’t mind the picture (45grave); it doesn’t really go with the poem. I just felt like being a bit obscure.

Far Away

Far away the world falls
into a blackend oath after
scaling the nerve of
scratching nails down the chalkboard

Watching letters of no one fly
past the window of opportunity
into a dark night of
anxiety and pleasure

Shock absorber walls keep out
undesirable thoughts
and deeds
Inside a trapped innocence
battered, broken, bleeding

The lives of many hold
the few torn remnants of a
wishing world turned inside out
Ready to take on the
Master

Far away she sings in the garden
looking out into humanity
feeling, pleading, loving,
vigilant.

Caressing the moment of respite
that has become her anchor
of redemption
creating a new life within
the tattered womb of isolation

The beginning moments of a
charitable love fall backwards
through the last sentiments of
a long ago day where time stands
still then erupts into echo

Far away they leave
forgetting that they once lived
sheltered in the garden where
the echoes of birth have faded

What lingers in the fog?

It creeps its way through the back woods and travels along the vacant pathways. Silent, as it descends down the wooden stairs and into the back yard. Gently rolling over the patio, it spreads itself between the flower planters; the cedar absorbs the mist and hides it in their porous beams. As the water beads and drips to the concrete the puddles vibrate and spread. The tiniest waves make their way up to the door and partially reform into a blanket of white that curtains the glass. I look out, unsure. I begin to slide the door open and peer into the vapors. Seeing nothing I step, onto the patio “ARRHHH!!!!” the water sinks through my slippers and soaks my socks. Wet feet, wet feet, stunned and lingering in the fog.

Don’t bother asking me where this came from; I honestly have no idea. It just came out. Sometimes my brain just wonders like that. I’m told that it’s only insanity if you’re poor, otherwise it’s eccentric. Crap! I guess that means I’m nuts, huh? Oh well, today I shall go on my merry little crazy way.

Playing the Catch Up Game

I’ve been introduced to a new phenomenon. Well, ok maybe it’s not exactly new but I’ve never been exposed to it or any thing like it. I’ll spare you the tension…it’s Facebook. Ooo and you thought it was going to be something all out of the ordinary didn’t you? I never got on the My Space kick so I really don’t have any knowledge when it comes to these places. So far, I do like it. It was rather overwhelming at first; there was just so much to take in, but I think I’m adapting now. I’ve been able to have closer contact with many of my friends and I’ve even been reacquainted with a dear friend from my childhood.

It’s sort of bizarre, though, that the technology seems so busy. One would think that a person with a degree in Computer Technology wouldn’t have such a freaky experience with something like Facebook, but here I am. I’m sure that being out of the industry since 2001 has had its effect and left me behind the crowd, but still. I guess the only thing I can figure is that I was a network person more than an applications type. It’s just amazing, though, to find how advanced even the networking has become. So…my amazement aside, that’s what I’ve been doing the last couple of days…working on Facebook.

Yes, that means that I have also neglected my PAD Challenge although I’m not out of luck. I have a few poems to go to finish off the 30 that were requested and I do plan on finishing those. Why, you may ask? Ok…I’ll tell you. It’s because Writer’s Market, the creators of Poetic Asides, have put forth a contest using the November theme poems. Participants are to select 10 -20 of their poems and put them together into a submission where they will be judged. Now, at the moment the only “prize”, so to speak, is bragging rights; it has been mentioned that a really good win may be submitted for a chapbook publication. So, I’m going to submit my work and keep my fingers crossed. Please keep yours crossed for me. Thanks. The winner will be announced February 2nd.

Other catch up news, this weekend is Vampire game weekend. My character is on the verge of being killed due to my “OMFG She Didn’t” experience. It seems that a scape goat may be needed since last game the masquerade was broken when the video made it out to the WWW. This, of course, is very bad for me. I am currently hiding out and may have to abandon my clan and turn to the Toreadors for aid. All of this does seem to be in accordance to our game master’s plan so…I guess this horse will drink deep of the water she has been led to. If anything majorly exciting happens I’ll throw out an update after the game.

As for the bad news….R was notified that the transport company he works for will be eliminating 60% of their workforce by March. Gotta love this economy, huh? We don’t know for sure yet if he will be a part of the elimination, it’s a waiting game now. The cuts will include people from every level, though, so the possibility is certainly there. To my understanding it means over a hundred jobs. Our area here has been hit with this news, and the news of about another 300 – 400 other job losses as well. Hold on folks…it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

Some Ketchup...er...Catch Up Please

K, so I haven’t been writing again. You should know by now that it happens. I was playing catch up today on my Poem A Day challenge. I fell behind on that, as well, and found myself having to write, um..yep, six poems. But…on the plus side I think it really put me into a poetic type mood and I really got into it. I’m posting three of them here. The last one…I don’t know…maybe the pressure of having to write so many poems at once caused the break but…I found that I just couldn’t resist. Enjoy. Please feel free to comment on them. I would really like to have the feedback. Thanks.

Day 11 – Deep thought or observational poem

I remember falling from my mother’s
drying body
to the ground. The earth was warmed by
summer’s light.

Laying on the soil nature had its
way with me
and covered my shell with earthly
debris

The world around me became dark I
felt winter’s breath
gliding its ice above me as I
hid swaddled in the dirt

Warmth began to permeate
my inner being
I wanted to live and to grow and I
unfurled the life within me

A tender sprout of green rose
up and into day’s light
I grew tall and strong - a beautiful flower -
in my prime

As days grew shorter I felt myself
weaken
Knowing my days were approaching end I
released my seed and mothered my own
life.

Day 15 – A nightmare poem

Leaves blow in the dark October
wind. Seedheads sprinkling their
hardened kernels
onto my face.

I try to rise from the tangled
earth that grasps my legs
with its vines of wrath. Falling
back into the ground.

Crying for aid in the twilight hours
no one hears but skeleton
stalks of herbs gone by
uprooted by panicked hands trying to
grip something unshakable.

Swallowed into the worms and
bugs, crawling across my face
my arms, my neck. Deeper under the earth
until I wake in bed and
brush the sweat from my dream.

Day 16 – Title Prompts
“If it (blank), It (blank)”

“If it (is planted), It (will grow)”

I planted a seed under the ground
I covered it with love
I watered it and gave it food
And watched it from above

I waited long and never strayed
I beckoned it to grow
As days and months came and went
My tears began to flow

I soon began to realize
That my seedling needed more
It would never see the light of day
Why did I plant it in the floor?

Day 6 of PAD

The challenge today was to write a poem of praise. This is what I came up with. Sorry the post is short; I have two articles that are quickly approaching deadline. So, without further waiting
Oh...and without a title...big surprise
Here's my poem of praise




Rose petals in the air
tossed in screaming
jubilation beckon the ground
landing to patterns of whimsy

Scents spring through the air
as pointed spires of rosemary
brush like feathers and
tickle my face

Kitties roll, they dig,
knock over containers of cat mints
as peppermints watch
safe from the scurry

Spider, brown and yellow like
fallen leaves of autumn
awaits its supper dodging
back and forth in webs of
graceful steel

Life, life sings its living
song and dances through
the waiting days of
tomorrow.

Let the Challenge Continue

Nicholas Culpepper


It’s the second day in the PAD challenge. I’ve written and posted my poem. The prompt was to make a declarative poem. I created mine with the voice and perspective of Nicholas Culpepper a famous herbalist and physician of his time (1616-1654). Since my theme is Herbs it seemed to fit.
I’m actually pretty unhappy with the last stanza. I just don’t like it and I’m sure there’s a rewrite in the future. Anyone who would care to offer some feedback wouldn’t go unthanked…hint, hint.

Oh! One other thing that I wanted to mention.
Dave, a recent visitor to my blog has a poem on his site in which dialogue was used. I thought this was a really neat idea and so…decided to give it a try myself. Thanks Dave for the inspiration.

Alright – Here it is

Culpepper’s Declaration

“The shrub is so well known by every boy and girl
that has but attained
the age of seven years, that it needs no description.”

How is it now, how could I see
that so few elder
and scarcely a child know - not even by name
or less by sight – Barberry

“The face being washed with the distilled water
of them – cureth the reddest face
that is.”

Cucumbers now
the women slice and like pennies
on the eyes they lie to the
swollen bags dismay.

“The juice of the leaves is a remedy
against the bites of serpents,
and for those that have taken
Aconite.”

Baked in pies to fill the stomach
Mulberry treats now warm
the heart. Feed the body
and the devil’s forgot.

Endless flows of time
resonate adversarial motion toward
arts of old once held dear
now enter this day all things are new
but plants still live and grow
as I find peace beneath them.

Poetry for You

Well, I’ve noticed that I really haven’t been writing any poetry lately. I’ve been writing, writing fiction, writing articles for two magazines, writing in my blog, even writing some monologues but no.. that’s zero, notta, zip, zilch…poetry. So…

I found myself at the Poetic Asides blog where there is usually some really decent poetic activity going on. I was rewarded with a PAD (Poem A Day) challenge. Robert Lee Brewer has decided to challenge readers to create a chapbook by writing a poem each day that focuses on your chosen theme. He will provide prompts for each day’s writing. Of course, this just seemed to be one of those things that falls into your lap, slaps you in the face, and yells “Hey stupid! Wake up; you wanted to write poetry, well, here’s your chance!”

Um, yes, I heard the call and I’ve decided to go for it. I made my theme “Herbs” and have written the first one. Robert refers to this poem as “The Hook” the one that draws the reader into the theme. I’ll probably be posting quite a few of my PAD poems throughout the month of November. That’s how long the challenge lasts. I hope you enjoy and I would very eagerly welcome any feedback from friends and/or critics.

I seem to have a serious problem coming up with decent names for my poems so this one is still unnamed. If anyone has a suggestion I wouldn’t mind considering it. I don’t know what it is about naming a poem. It’s just so hard for me; nothing ever seems good enough for it. I don’t know *shrug* So, without further ado here’s “The Hook”

Foods ring pungent in my watering mouth
fresh as melting sun and living fire.
Sick bodies are guided back to bloom or
granted merciful passage into summerlands.
Apparel liberated from a lackluster life
released into a world of effulgent hue.
Witness to the sight of flowing fields that dance a tempoed waltz in the wind
they sing in their garments - the bells of mother’s ball.
Bearing alms that are gathered by diverse desire
defenseless immolation scattered to aspirations of imagination.
Generations, heirloom spirit sprawls the boundless sphere,
antics of delicate stature camouflage wellborn privilege;
worshipped by some unnoticed by others
rooted in the soil of human animation.

Writing, Writing, and Writing. Did I Mention Writing?

Writing, writing, and more writing. I’ve been a busy little beaver over the last few days. Of course, I’m working on my blog entries but I’ve also been working on a new book. (Since the other three I had going were lost due to screwed up life situations) I have the first chapter rough draft finished. I wrote out the plot lines and a thirty chapter outline. I also wrote another article for InMichiana’s November issue. I’ll have an article in the October issue too when it’s released.

I still have an article to write for Inside Granger, but I have a few weeks yet before the deadline. I’ll begin making my contacts for that tomorrow. I figure I’ve written somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 to 10 thousand words over the last couple of days. Is that a lot? It feels like a lot. My fingers are sore. So, I think I’m going to take a break for the remainder of the evening and curl up with a good book.

I’m currently reading “Breaking Dawn” by Stephenie Meyer. It’s the fourth (last) book in her “Twilight” saga. The other two books are “New Moon” and “Eclipse”. I have really enjoyed all of them so far. I’m about 1/3 of the way through this last one and liking it as well as the others. “Twilight” is being made (has been made) into a movie and will be coming out in theatres in November. Yes, I have plans to see it. If you haven’t read it give it a shot. And now, off to the book.

It’s Hard Drive City

Yeah! I’m finally up and running again. It took forever but in the end I got the new hard drive and have basically reinstalled everything I need. I managed to pull up a few things that I had posted on various websites that contained some of the work I had lost when the old drive was torn so suddenly from its young life. So, even though it’s no where close to what I had, it’s not completely over.

I still want to post some pics of the aprons and clothes that I’ve been working on. I haven’t looked into it too far, but I think I may have to buy a cord before I can download the pics from my phone to my computer. Is anyone out there cell phone proficient? Oh, and willing to help? My cell phone is very new to me. The last time I had one it was like 1997 or something so…I’ve been a bit out of touch. I think I may be able to email them to myself if nothing else but I haven’t really explored that possibility yet. I think I would prefer a quick and painless method if possible.


Speaking of pics…I should take some of the garden out back. I recently added a new plot to the yard. This is strictly a show garden, no veggies, well…no edible veggies, ok…maybe there will “technically” be something there that can be eaten but…the main purpose of this spot is for aesthetic pleasure not practical food supply. On that note; I planted some hardy mums (red & orange), some flowering kale, and some black arugula (if I remember correctly). There was already a small lilac bush beginning to grow in the same area. I’m planning on adding some bulbs around the end of the month, maybe some lilies and tulips. I’m not 100% sure yet. Hopefully the spot will be fairly carefree so that when we move the next people won’t have to mess with it if they don’t want to.

I’ve gotten the birds and squirrels so used to a steady food supply that I’m afraid when we move they’ll have trouble fending for themselves so…I’m trying to put some shrubs and trees in the ground that will offer both food and shelter should the next people not offer the buffet they have grown accustomed to. I’ll be adding Bittersweet to the new plot, I know that. I’ve planted some flowering crabapples, a flowering dogwood, and a couple of hawthorns. I think they’ll help. We don’t have any solid plans, yet, regarding a move but we do know one will be coming within the next three years sometime. It could possibly be as soon as next year depending on children’s school situations, R’s job, and the, “I can’t take living in the city any longer” factor. Until then, I’m trying to plan ahead. Yes, I’m consumed by the thought of the innocent little birdies going hungry, laugh if you must.

On that note, I shall call it a day for today. I look forward to being able to write again on a more regular schedule so it would be nice to see all of your smiling web addys show up on my blog log ;-) on a regular basis as well…no hint there…hint, hint…hint.

Misha Gordin

You know, sometimes when I’m looking for topics and/or ideas to write about, I draw a complete blank. I just can’t seem to find anything in my brain at the moment worth putting on paper. What does that suggest, I wonder?

At any rate…when that happens, and I’m still determined to write anyway, many times I’ll turn to the internet. Who says it’s just for porn? * wink * Seriously though. I’ll go to Google and type in a word that happens to come to mind and then see what pops up. (That’s how I got the asylum photos and topic). Sometimes I’ll click on the images tab and start looking through them. I do this and I wait for something interesting to hit me. I know it when I see it, just as most anyone would, I think.

Then, when it hits, the ideas follow and I know I have something worth the paper and the effort. Tonight’s post is a prefect example of this. The word was “inspiration” the images are those of one Misha Gordin. I found this work to be absolutely beautiful and I would so recommend checking out the site. I had never heard of Misha before this, but you can bet that I’ll never forget. Plus, I found something to write about. I want to include some pictures off of Misha’s website as a teaser for people. Check it out.

Of Cucurbitaceous, D&D, Writing, and Sewing: In other words a life update

How many of you knew that squash and cucumbers were in the same family? If you didn’t know, you do now. I’ve been having some particular trouble lately with the squash members of this family. My yellow squash, zucchini, and my pumpkins are all suffering from Blossom End Rot. This sucks. Basically, what happens is that the blossom end of the fruit, opposite the stem end, rots before the fruit is fully developed. The causes vary, but a common one is due to uneven watering methods. I know that this is not the culprit in my case, though. What is causing it? Calcium deficiency. My soil has had this problem before and although I add a good amount of organic material to the soil each year, for some reason, the calcium just seems to be sucked right out. I added a goodly amount of Bone Meal around the plants this morning and gave the rest of the garden a dose of Organic Fertilizer. I’m hoping that will help. I wanted to add some Oyster Shell since it’s a much better source of calcium than bone meal but I couldn’t find any at Lowes, and I didn’t have the time to go running all over checking for it. Anyway, I went with the bone meal, we’ll see what happens. Keep those fingers crossed.


On to the D&D game. It looks like we may have to put the game on hold indefinitely. With R starting this new job and his schedule being very difficult it appears that he may not be able to run it. Not to mention the fact that when he starts classes again this fall he just won’t have any time free at all. This, of course, sucks but I certainly understand, appreciate, and admire the sacrifices he is making in order to provide us with a better life. He’s really quite remarkable. If I haven’t ever mentioned it before, let me just state it now that, I really love this man. So, even though the game may suffer, in the long run it will be for the betterment of the family. Now, there’s a small (and I do mean small) chance that we can talk R’s cousin into running the game for a while. (R’s cousin’s name also begins with an R, so we’ll call him CR, for Cousin R) Anyway, CR has been playing for as long as R has played. We’re talking something like 25 years or so, since D&D first came out in the seventies. CR doesn’t like to run games anymore; he only wants to play so…convincing him to run may be a problem. He’s really dead set against it. The only other option would be N. She could run if she wanted to, but she has never actually run one before. I know she would do great, though. Her imagination is awesome and she’s been playing almost as long as R and CR. Hopefully, one of them will pick it up, otherwise it’s hiatus city.

As for my writing, I’m getting back on the horse if you couldn’t tell by this long-winded post. I feel recovered even though I’m still in mourning. I’ll be ok, and onward I write. I need to write, I can’t live without it. I would go crazy, really, if I didn’t write. I’m sure of it. I’m planning to do some work on a really bad first draft of a poem that I wrote a while back. It’s the vampire one that’s posted on the Blog under April 10th. I took it to the writer’s group the other day and received some good feedback and I’ve decided to make it a pet project. There’s a lot of potential in it, I’m sure. It definitely needs some work, though. We’ll see what becomes of it.


Finally, I began a new sewing project. I’m making aprons for all the girls/women in the house. I love aprons, I think they’re pretty, versatile, and make good common sense. They protect clothing (god knows I need help in that department) and they feel great and look pretty. Anyway…I digress. My first one is finished; I have three others to go. This first batch is all half aprons (tied around the waist with no top), but after I get those done I plan to move on to the more challenging stuff. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time now, but one thing or another delays it. But, now I have the material, the patterns, and the time so…onward. After, or possibly in the midst of, aprons I would also like to get busy on some matching linen table covers and napkins. I have a million ideas and it just seems like I’ll never have enough time to complete everything I would like to do. I suppose time will tell.

Well, I guess that’s it for the update. Now that I’m feeling a bit more like my old self I hope to be Blogging more regularly. Then again, now that I’m feeling more like my old self, well…let’s just say; check my previous track record for posting. I have good intentions; we’ll see what happens.

Crashed and Maimed

My hard drive on my spank’n new computer is a goner! All my work for the last, almost year, is gone. Yes, this sucks and yes I partially blame myself. Here’s the long and short of it.

I got my new laptop in March, before that I was using R’s computer since about last August because my old (ancient) computer was no longer functioning properly. So, I had all my writing and other info that I accumulated on R’s system from August to March. When I got the new laptop I transferred all the stuff on R’s system onto the laptop. R then deleted it off his hard drive.

So there I was, a happy camper, tooling away with my new computer. About two days before the “incident” I thought to myself, “Man, I haven’t done any backups on the this computer yet. I need to get some CDs and get that done.” Of course, the inevitable proceeded.

The other day R was moving my chair out of the way and it bumped into my desk, just hard enough to rattle things around. It knocked a candle weighing, oh…4 or 5 pounds off of a shelf. The candle, like a straight shooter, falling about three feet landed directly on my open laptop, directly over the spot where the hard drive is contained. The hard drive began making this horrible clicking sound, I knew I was in trouble, within seconds it went to the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death” and then….we had to call it.

The horrific feeling that entails when you see “Operating system not found” and then check the BIOS, only to find “HDD” – “NONE” is just, well, heart wrenching to say the least. I knew it was done for, all my work gone in the flick of a candle. Total Suckage!!!

I checked on some data recovery options but it’s really quite pricey. The cost ranges from 700.00 to 4,000.00 depending on the damage. All in all, a price we can’t afford right now. So, we’re packing the drive up and storing it with the hope that we may be able to afford the cost of recovery at some future point. Until then, I’ll be using R’s system again and waiting until we can replace my laptop hard drive.

All that work, gone…just like that. It’s sickening really and yes…believe me I’m kicking myself for not backing the shit up. I know better…so yes, I blame my procrastinating self, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. Three books in progress, many, many new poems, magazine articles, articles for Real Services, just to name a small bit of what’s gone.

The lesson….DO NOT DELAY THOSE BACKUPS PEOPLE! It’s devastating; I cried (literally) for an hour. It’s grief, real grief because a loss is a loss when your heart is involved. I fade off now, gently into mourning.

Time...What A Concept

There is so much to do and never enough time to do it all. I know people everywhere experience the same phenomena. So why did we invent the concept of time again? Someone remind me; it seems so useless.

I’ve taken a permanent leave from work, in a way. It’s a rather long story so suffice to say…Due to some health problems I’m not going into work anymore but I’m still doing a minimal amount of stuff for them at home. Now, one would think that I would have boo coo amounts of time on my hands; it couldn’t be less true. It seems that no matter how much time gets freed up not only does more time take its place, but it leaches into even more time. It’s just freaky I tell ya.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. I’ve been wanting to sew but I haven’t made time for it; although I do intend to work on some stuff this weekend. I’ve managed a bit of time in the yard and garden, but no where near what I would like. I get a lot of help around the house as far as chores are concerned, so that doesn’t take a lot of time for me. I run errands frequently. But again it doesn’t consume the better part of my time. I get up each morning between 6:30 and 7:00 and I don’t go to sleep until almost midnight. Still, I never seem to have enough time. I’m forever saying to myself, “Where did the day go?” For example, it’s already 12:30 in the afternoon; I’m clueless as to where the morning went…it’s just gone. I think there may be a conspiracy. What other explanation could there be?

Well, at this point I guess I’m going to write some more. I’d also like to get some sewing done and I have a crochet project or two that I need to get busy on. On a completely different note…R got the job we had been hoping for!!!! This means that I no longer need to work, which is such a relief, of course R says that I need to write that million dollar book now…but no pressure. At the moment, despite the health issues and lack of time, things are looking up.

Falling Back Into Old Habits

It appears that I’m falling back into the bad habit of not writing every day. I really do try to write something on a daily basis, if not on my Blog then a poem, article, or story. Lately, though, I haven’t written anything for the last week and a half, perhaps. I don’t really know why. I’ve had all the normal things going on; busy life, back pain, other side-tracking events but I’ve also noticed a sort of apathy. Sometimes I find myself in this mood that just causes me to feel like, “blah, I don’t feel like sitting on my computer and typing today”. Have any of you experienced this?

I’m sure others go through similar types of feelings, but how do you actually get past it? Do you get past it, or do you have to wait for it to pass on its own? What’s the longest amount of time you think you have gone without writing? I’m just curious to see where I fit into the mix.

I had an article for InMichiana due today so I wrote this morning, because I had to. Then, I find that once I’m writing it’s difficult to stop. Hence the post. It’s like all of a sudden I’m jonesing to write. Is this an addiction? I feel like I was off the “stuff” for a while and once I had a small taste of it again, I needed more. Perhaps this is just my addictive personality coming through, but I’d really like to know how others feel about this subject.

Sick, yuck...Published, good...Bird, pretty

Don’t you hate being sick? I know I do. It started with a sore throat last Saturday then quickly evolved into a full blown head cold, from there (oh no, it wasn’t done yet) it made its way into my lungs. Now, I’m once again feeling the pain of pleurisy; and yes I do mean pain. It really does hurt, man. Over the last three years or so it seems that I have developed a susceptibility to the problem. I seem to get it now about twice a year. It sucks, it totally wipes me out, and of course I become completely incapable of writing. Heck, I can’t even sit up for long without getting dizzy. Anyway, I’m on antibiotics now and a codeine cough syrup for the pain and cough which helps, but it makes me rather tired. So, while I’m awake and semi coherent I decided I would try to get a little bit of writing in.

Some other news in my life….the three personal profile articles I wrote for Inside Granger are out in publication now, yeah. They’re in the June issue, if you get a chance check it out. I don’t have a link, sorry.

Also, I found a baby Starling today. It apparently had fallen out of its nest. I saw it in the road out in front of my house and rescued it from being road kill. It still had some down on it so it isn’t quite old enough yet, but it was attempting to fly. I put it in the back yard and watched it for a while. I hoped the parents would find it as I have a large congregation of birds, Starlings included, that gather in my back yard to feed. As it turns out, I did see two birds, a male and a female, coming down to feed the young bird. I’m assuming they are the bird’s parents. I don’t know where the nest is so I’ve left him in the yard. Hopefully he’ll pull through. I’m worried about cats and raccoons, of course, but I think he has half a chance of hiding in the tall grass and under the grapevines by the fence line (which is where he hopped off to). He certainly has a better chance of surviving than he would have, had I left him in the street. It was so cool to hold him in my hands, though. I resisted bringing him inside; I think it’s better for him out there. Knowing that he has other birds watching out for him gives me hope. I don’t feel like I could be a good replacement for nature, you know? If he dies that will certainly suck, but I really think his chances of living are going to be stronger with his own.

PS – The picture isn’t of the Starling I found, I don’t have a camera, but it is about the same in the development cycle so you can get a good idea of how old he is.