Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Of Sparrows, Hawks and Crows

Ok, so I’ve been at home a lot this week. I’m sick again. I had an attack of Pleurisy a week and a half ago and well, I guess I pushed myself to hard, too soon, and here I am sick again. Feeling like I wish I could just die and get it over with. I lay around suffering, too dizzy in the head to be able to concentrate on anything other than a brainless drivel of DVDs. Reading Milton (my assignment for one of my classes) yeah, not happening. Every time I open the book the page goes all blurry on me. Just sitting here at the computer is giving me a headache, so why am I writing? Well, fate…destiny…just a really freaky life and death experience. I’m sure there’s a reason but for what I understand, it has to do with a hawk, a sparrow, and some crows.
I have a bird feeder in my back yard, it’s frequented by sparrows. They hang around all day long and despite the ally cats that stalk them now and then, they seem to be quite comfortable here. When I go out into the back yard they just fly over to the fence and wait until I’m out of the way before returning to the feeder. They seem to be used to me. There are also about four squirrels that have figured out how to get a free meal by hanging upside down from the fence and eating out of the little openings of the feeder, but I digress. I’ve been trying to draw some crows into the yard. At my old house I had a murder of crows that would sit right outside my bedroom window and wait for me to bring them food. They wouldn’t fly away from me either, they were really cool, of course when they got hungry at 6 in the morning and began cawing into my bedroom window it got a bit annoying, but for the most part I really enjoyed them. Anyway, I should probably note here that my totem has been the crow for a very long time now. If you don’t know what a totem is, then you may as well give it up now because the rest of this story probably won’t make much sense, so…Crow, my totem. About six years ago I met and fell in love with my current man, it was instantaneous, and I fell hard and fast, as I believe he did too. It’s actually a very romantic and not an every day type of story. Perhaps I’ll share it at some time, but not today. Today, we discuss sparrows, and crows, and hawks, right. Ok, so I had these beautiful crows that would frequent my abode (this is the one in the middle of the woods) and after my man moves in they stop hanging around as much. It wasn’t that he was doing anything to them, they just felt they had to keep there distance from him. Later I find out that his totem is the hawk, has been for many, many years. So, go figure, hawks and crows are enemies. Where one frequents the other avoids. I begin to suspect what happened to my crows. Time moves on, we move into the city, where of course, my man feels quite at home but where I struggle horribly to feel any sense of earth around me…hence, the bird feeder. So, as I said I’ve been trying to lure some crows into the yard, they roost during the winter months in an area not too far from here, but I have so far been unable to get them into the yard proper. Now the other day I spy a hawk in a tree in our front yard, yes a hawk, in the city, at the house where my man feels very comfortable and yes, where no crows will frequent. I think “Oh, pretty hawk” and I tell the kids to check it out. Even though I think crows are much cooler, I still admire the majesty of the hawk. Getting to the point here. The whole underlying totem and spiritual meanings and fate stuff is getting through, right? Ok, so today I’m looking out my kitchen window watching the sparrows feed. They’re busily flying back and forth from the chain link fence to the bird feeder. I’m watching several of them perched in the little holes of the chain link when, oh my god! These huge hawk wings appear out of no where and these hawk talons reach out and snatch a sparrow from the fence, just like that. Freakin wicked! Nature at its most real. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hold any ill will against the hawk, he’s doing what hawks do and I understand that. The question is, where are the crows? Have they lost they’re ability to rule the roost? Do they no longer have domain because the hawk has nested? And what if the crows can be brought back around, what then? It seems odd that the crows were more at home in the woods and the hawk seems to be at home in the city, but as the man and woman is concerned the woods fit the woman and the city the man. I see a connection, I feel the earth singing to me, and I hear the totems telling me their tales. So what happens now? It seems to me that life has always opened itself up in this way. Nature has always spoken to me like this and I know there’s a story here for me, so I’ll watch my sparrows, and I’ll watch the hawk, and because I cannot be disconnected, I will continue to call back the crows and then, the story will unfold.

Friday, January 26, 2007

The Animal Connection

Well, I finally figured out how to get my picture up. I’ve been going crazy trying to use that “Hello” and “Picasa” stuff, following all the “help” suggestions and going completely insane in the process…but…I discovered that what works really well is just my own common sense, yep, I’m good *wink*
So, now that that’s out of the way, I feel like I may be able to write some, not that anyone is really going to see this stuff though, are they? I mean there doesn’t seem to be much feedback as of this moment; a whole 0 comments and all. That’s ok I guess, since the blog hasn’t been around that long. It would be nice though to see that change.
Did I mention that I’m a black cat magnet? I swear something is up with that. Everywhere I have ever lived, there are black cats drawn to my house. I love cats, don’t get me wrong here, and I love seeing the black cats frequent my yard. It just seems sort of odd that they always show up. Maybe they smell the two black cats I have indoors. But then again I had the whole black cat in the yard syndrome long before I had the black cats in the house thing going on. I guess that wouldn’t explain it then. Anyway, last night I looked out my kitchen window and saw two black cats slinking around in the back yard. I’ve seen them before but it’s just neat to watch them. They’re in their mode and completely oblivious that I’m seeing them. I watch as they trot up the cement stairs that leads to the ally gate. One stops and hutches up his back on top of his curled under legs. He just lays there for a moment comprehending that the gate is closed and he won’t be able to get through that way tonight. The other cat seems preoccupied with herself, she investigates the side of the garage, perhaps thinking that it would be a nice, warm place to spend the evening, but she passes the thought off quickly when the first cat suddenly springs and rushes back toward the front gate, the way they came in, as if he realized within a half of a second that, “Hey! There’s another out. I don’t have to sit and wait here all night” She rushes after him limping on her injured hind leg. I wish that I could comfort her. I’d like to be able to care for them, give them a home like my kitties have. Of course though, if I did that I’d become the infamous “cat lady”. I don’t know, it really sucks though. I feel for them, every now and then I’ll set food out for them; try to brighten their day. I want to return to them some of the joy and pleasure that they’ve given me, just by being. Ok…so sap time is over, and I should mention that I have a third cat he’s actually the eldest, but he’s not black, he’s an orange tabby and a complete cuddle bug. I just couldn’t go without mention of him too; and yes, I know that I’m well on my way to becoming the infamous “cat lady”, but I won’t be, not really. There are too many other animals to look after as well. I feed the birds, sparrows, crackles, and carrions (gotta love the crows), at my old house (in the woods) I also had 4 dogs, a family of raccoons that would come up to my back door and eat off the porch, a few opossums, several bats, some kind of web-footed, long-billed water bird that made the oddest sounds, more spiders than you could shake a stick at (what the hell does that mean anyway), and for a brief period a wolverine (seriously), it clawed its way through our metal shed, it was wicked. So, did I mention that I liked animals?

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Still Learning & Game Night

Ok, so I still haven't figured out how to load a picture into my profile, makes me feel rather dumb. I thought I followed all the directions, but it didn't work. Oh well, I'm tired of messing with it, so for now I'll do without.
Did you hear the latest? Hilary is running for president. Let me just say "Yes!" total excitement.
On a different note, our game went well last night (D&D). We have one here every Saturday, although there are actually 2 games; 1 is played 1 week , and the other on the off weekends. In the one we played last night I play a cleric of Chauntea (Forgotten Realms, think Mother Earth). I came out ok, however, we had to go and find a monastery for some of the other party members as their injuries were beyond my ability to heal. Our dwarf lost an arm due to undead Orc attack, and our halfling and Brauch (we haven't quite figured out what he is yet) were touched by a ghost and lost massive wisdom. I'm only a level 4 in this game so, yeah...healing on that scale, not happening. This game is also a very low money and low magic, so the challenges are, well, challenging.
The off night game rocks as well, but it's much different than this one. Although I'm playing a cleric in it too; which by the way, is actually really far off from my usual rouge characters, I'm a level 14 and the money and magic is actually quite interesting. I started off as a rouge in this game, but she got pregnant by a rouge pirate and after having the baby she retired, so enters the of Sharess (also Forgotten Realms, but this time think hookers and cats), ok maybe not quite hookers, but on a scale similar although she doesn't take money for services. Sharess is a goddess of sexual pleasure and believes everyone should experience pleasure whenever they opportunity is presented. She also likes cats, think Baste; Egyptian pantheon. Anyway, the story takes place in both Forgotten Realms and Ravenloft, the party has been jumped back and forth between the two, magically, and at very unpredictable moments. My character was born in Ravenloft (Borovia). My mother was also a cleric of Sharess from Sembia (Forgottem Realms) who ended up transported into Borovia and found herself pregnant after a night of "holy worship" by a traveling Vistani (Ravenloft, version of gypsies). So there I am in Borovia minding my own business when this party of adventurers shows up and sucks me into their world, taking me to Coramir (Forgotten Realms) and then suddenly transported back to Ravenloft, only we don't know it's Ravenloft, of course, because now instead of being in Borovia, we're in Paragon City, a sort of 19th century England with a Jack the Ripper type on the loose. Time will only tell.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

First Post

Ok, so obviously it's my first post. I'm just getting used to things here and I really don't have a lot to say at the moment. I'm reasonably sure that will change. My posting will, most likely, be erratic, not just due to time restraints, but because sometimes I just don't feel like sharing. When I do, however, the thoughts will flow and it will be difficult to shut me up. Lucky for you, all you have to do is leave the page. I, on the other hand, am stuck with my brain so the thoughts that are my mind never seem to stop. Good thing I don't mind listening to myself.