Saturday, October 2, 2010

Trouble’s a Brewing

So, why has it been so long since I’ve written this time? Well, life gets complicated sometimes. You know the adage, “When it rains it pours”? That’s what I’ve been seeing a lot of lately, pouring rain. Our family seems to be especially hard hit over the last six months with more than its fair share of tragedy. I guess I could just run down the list of bad events in chronological order, hmm. Oh, I don’t know, where’s the fun in that, right?

Perhaps a more effective way (it would be a long list) would be just to give a general gist of things and then maybe talk about stuff in future blogs. Let’s see…we have unemployment, illness, death, major surgery, addiction/relapse (no, not me) just to get the list started. Our entire family has been hit pretty hard with one thing or another. Don’t get me wrong there has also been some beautiful moments; the glimmer of hope…weddings, grandchildren (both here and expecting), but overall things have been very difficult. I basically find that Hee Haw song “Gloom Despair and Agony On Me” befitting life at this moment. So, all in all this life stuff has been very time consuming. It’s been pretty hard to find even a few minutes to myself where I am able to write. Then, if I do have a moment, well, the idea of writing honestly just seems burdensome because all I want to do is take a breath.

So, officially, (exhale) I’m going to try and discuss everything but I certainly can’t promise that there will be regular posts. I’ll do what I can when I can. I will ask this of my readers, if anyone out there can spare some positive energy, prayers, or thoughts they would certainly be accepted and welcome. From here I’ll post details when I can but suffice to say health issues are topping the list right now. My grandson, Mason, is top priority. He’s eight months old and will soon be facing and extremely delicate, major surgery on his head that will involve the removal of his entire skull cap. I’ll talk about the condition in my next entry, in the meantime, people…seriously need those prayers.


Sunday, July 4, 2010


I’ve been trying to convince myself lately that my lack of writing has occurred because my life has been so busy and hectic. I think that I’ve been making excuses, though. While I have been extremely busy with kids, grandkids, puppies and kittens, not to mention everyday life stuff; the fact of the matter is that I just haven’t had the motivation to write.

I was told that a writer needs to write something “everyday” no matter what. I believe this rule of advice has been more trouble to me than help. You see, I’m not the type of person who reacts well to orders, and that’s kind of what this feels like to me. It makes me think that if I don’t write “everyday” like a good writer does, then I must not really be a “true” writer. Somehow, I’m deficient, less than the other “good” writers. There must be something in me that is unworthy of writing if I don’t do it everyday. Yes, I get that not all writers “feel” like writing everyday; but it goes beyond that.

I become resentful if I have to push myself to write. It becomes work when I have to do something I don’t feel like doing, and while writing may be my job it shouldn’t have to be “work”. Isn’t that what the saying, “If you do something you love then you never have to work a day in your life” mean? So, if writing is something I love to do, then it shouldn’t be work, correct? Unfortunately, though, when I force myself to write it becomes just that. Then, to make it even worse, if I miss a day the guilt begins to build. I don’t handle guilt well; I think this is why I try so hard to avoid guilt. The guilt of not writing builds up so strongly, and so quickly that it soon overwhelms me and I just give up altogether. Yes, I become a quitter.

Now, here I am months later and I haven’t written so much as a single word. In the back of my mind I keep hearing this nagging voice, “You should be writing everyday” and I try very hard to ignore it. Finally, this morning I worked past the guilt and decided, screw this….I feel like writing so I’m going to write. And so it is. I believe I’ve made up my mind to completely ignore the rule/advice of “a writer needs to write something everyday”. I think that from now on I’ll write whenever I damn well feel like it and screw the rest of the time. I can’t take the pressure of working like that; it’s not in my nature. I write because I love to write, not because it’s my job. If the day again arrives that this becomes work instead of pleasure I’ll probably stop writing again until I get over it. Until then, I’m going to write when I feel like writing and I’m going to spend time with my partner, kids, grandkids, the puppies and kittens, my garden, and my home in the meantime. I’m going to enjoy this life that I have been given and not work it into the ground. This is my new philosophy…I’m giving up on writing as my job and putting it back where it belongs…in the category of enjoyable things. Thus endeth the lesson.