Sunday, October 12, 2008

Life Goes On

So I haven’t written again for a while, I know. I had some issues, man. Seriously. Some of you know that I’ve had some health concerns going on for a while now. Well, I’ve gotten new word on my condition. I’ve known for some time that I have Degenerative Disk Disease, that’s why I have so much difficulty with my back and all that lovely sciatic nerve pain. I’ve also been having a lot of other stuff going on too.

Basically, because I haven’t had insurance I’ve been unable to find out for sure what the deal was. I lost my insurance about two years ago. My doctor, at that time, suspected that I had either Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis due to the many symptoms I had been displaying. I lost my insurance just before we were able to do the blood work to provide the final diagnosis. That means I’ve gone for the last two years, now, still having to deal with the crap feeling but not knowing what it is or having any way to treat it.

So, enter, HIP, the Healthy Indiana Plan it’s insurance provided by the state for people who do not have insurance due to either their financial status or because their employer does not offer it. Any way, I qualified and now I have insurance. This is a good thing and on a side note I feel I need to say (even though it makes me cringe) that Gov. Daniels did a good thing here with the program. So, insurance. That means I have been able to go to a doctor again. And I did.

I had the blood work done and now we know that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. This has brought on a lot of mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, it was suspected, so it’s not exactly a surprise, and yet, it still feels surreal. It explains a heck of a lot, like the many, many attacks of pleurisy and the fact that some days I’m literally too sore to walk, or why I can’t grasp objects sometimes. The explanation is there and on a very positive note, now that we know what it is, I can begin treatment.

The way I understand it I have a decent chance of feeling much better once the treatment begins. That would be a welcome relief. I’m pretty tired of feeling crappy all the time, you know? I go to a specialist Friday and then we’ll see how things go. Yet, amidst the good stuff there’s still this lingering feeling of doom. I guess it’s having one’s fears confirmed or something. Maybe it’s just making me feel old. I don’t know. Like I said before, surreal pretty much sums it up. So I find myself caught up with these mixed feelings of hope and depression. I think I need some time to sort it all out. I’m really, really hoping the treatment will make me feel more human again, but after living in this much pain for the last several years I find myself afraid to hope too much. I guess we’ll just have to see. So, there you have it. My update on me. Sorry the post wasn’t more upbeat but…yeah, well, f*ck it. That’s life.


Ann said...

I didn't have insurance for about 6 months after my divorce. It really sucks. I'm glad that you finally were able to get a diagnosis and begin treatment. I know having a diagnosis is both stressing and de-stressing. On the one hand if feels good to put a name to something but then again it means there's something wrong with you! I've gone through this myself. I hope you come to terms with it and let it be a relief to know and a path to feeling better instead of a burden.

Best wishes.

Talia said...

I'm really happy with what Daniels has done in Indiana. He got a lot of people stirred up with things--like time change and the whole toll way thing, but to me, those are small compared to the way he brought in a serious surplus without raising taxes. Too bad Prez. Bush, who gave Mitch a recommendation, couldn't have done as good a job.

Charmi said...

Congrats on the health insurance! I hope to see you soon.

maeve63 said...

Thanks Ann. I think I'll adjust. I just need a bit of time, you know?

maeve63 said...

Hey Talia,

Well, being much closer to a Dem than a Rep I can't say that I'm totally pleased with Daniels but the HIP plan is definitly in the right direction. It's providing quality health care to a lot of people, and to me, that's a good thing.

maeve63 said...

Thanks Charmi. I'd like to get out and about and see you soon. It's mostly a matter of arranging a babysitter and transportation. Getting both at the same time can prove to be tricky. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

greg rappleye said...

Sorry about the health issues.

Keep the faith!