Yeah! I have crows! I saw them today in the back yard. Of course they were fighting off some of the other birds. I believe they were Starlings. It’s kind of funny though. Here I was struggling for my identity and sense of self and then… When I made up my mind to take charge, actually made an effort to be actively involved again with my spirituality, they showed up. Coincidence? You be the judge. I decided to clear my chakras, something I haven’t done for a while. I also purchased some meditation music that I used to use, but I had lost the CD. Now I have it again. Anyway, I also did a cleansing on the house and buried that cursed ring in some sea salt. The cursed ring is another story for another day, suffice to say, I no longer wear it, nor will I ever wear it again, I should have known better. So, here I am, all house cleansed and feeling better. My bestest friends took me away this past weekend for a long needed retreat. That is definitely a story I need to tell…so much fun and mystery, but most of all a much needed reminder that I have the most wonderful people in my life who love and care about me. This is a gift that when given should never be forgotten or taken for granted. Thank you my friends. I love you all dearly. So, all of this went on within the last two weeks. I felt as if I was able to reclaim a bit of me and this morning…CROWS! And to top it off, I think I did ok on my midterms today. This has been a short entry with lots of info that needs to be expanded on, but I must rush off, many things to do. I just wanted to write something since it had been a while, and try to catch people up at least somewhat. Now that midterms are over, I hope to have time to delve into the deeper aspects of my adventures soon.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Well, the hawk has apparently come home to roost. I’ve been told by a very dear friend that I have, in fact, given up myself and submitted to living as the hawk deems fit. Hmm, not exactly what one wants to hear, but nonetheless, something I’ve been suspecting. It became very clear when a few days after my post on Sparrows, Hawks and Crows; I walked out in my back yard and saw the hawk proudly perched on my fence. I knew that nature was teaching me, it always does. Then, the confirmation within the material world; and here I am, no crow to call my own.
It’s so hard to get back on track though. I have no where, no where at all to go in this stinking city to reconnect. I can’t stand it; and on top of that I lose my ability to trust my judgment. I feel trapped, so how do I know whether the direction I chose is the right way? If I flee in the wrong direction, life could become even worse. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to letting life take its course. In fact, that’s how I live; but here in this case, I’m completely cut off from the energies of the natural world that normally allow me to remain in the proper flow no matter which way I choose. Is this all very confusing, sorry if it is. I know I sound nuts, but really, well…sometimes I guess I could be, but not here when it comes to this. I’ve been cut off before and believe me it’s not a pretty sight. Things go perpetually into a downward spiral. I guess I could operate on the logic of, if I take no action, I’ll be stuck forever…true; but what I want, and what I need, honestly, is to reconnect. I need to be back into the rhythms of nature. So there’s my dilemma. How do I reconnect when there’s no place around to reconnect with? I’m not exactly in a position to go somewhere else at the moment. I need my crow.
Ok, so I suppose upon proof reading what I wrote so far that there’s a message to myself coming through loud and clear here, “I knew that nature was teaching me.” I think this tells me that I’m not completely cut off right? I mean I must be getting something. I still have no place to go and dance naked under the moon. I still have no place to go and listen to the trees. I mean lets face it; I’d be in jail or the psyche ward in less than an hour if I tried something like that in the middle of this god/goddess forsaken city. With my increased awareness though comes an increased ability to alter the situation, right? I don’t want to give up my life that I’ve come to love. I don’t want to give up on those that I love. I need to go back though. I need to find myself and trust my direction like I used to and I don’t know if I can do that when the hawk is pulling so hard for a direction that seems completely unnatural to me. It doesn’t feel safe and my instinct tells me I’m flying into danger, but how can I just fly the other direction and leave the sparrows to their fate? I love the little birds, someone has to.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
So, I mentioned that I would post some of my writing soon. Here are a couple pieces of poetry that I’ve done. The first one I began working on the other day. This is a first draft and so it will change, I’m quite sure, before the final revision. If anyone has some constructive criticism to offer, I’d love to hear from you. The second is a piece that I’m hoping to have published in the Analecta (Our college undergrad art magazine) this spring.
It’s All in a Dream
It didn’t want to fit
up over the curb
and through the trees
I need a jump
Jonny to my rescue
adoring his Christ image
poised for the crucifix
The gratitude his and mine
felacio on my knees
Over my head two hands
appear, two index fingers
strike their way in through
his nipples, sucking the pleasure,
The force of release from him
Flee, the threat has found you
Across the lacquered boards of the gym floor
Avoid the glass security cage
You fool. Bound over the ropes
Labyrinth - (Our Club in Detroit)
Down the dark stairs into the
safety below; punks, rivet heads,
romantics, elder goths, technos,
industrials and fetish goths swirl
in a sea of black hair and
In the shadowed corners candle
wax molds itself to table tops.
Cigarettes spill over ashtrays
soaking up the liquor of half
empty glasses. Black glitter covered walls
dance to the beat of flickering light.
Essence is created in movement
as bodies coast through conversation,
minds benumbed by the sound that
each creature experiences
in their own way,
as an archetypal knowledge.
All know, that here is where they belong.
The existence of a familiar compassion
lingers in the air. The lies within the truth
are exemplified. Death and darkness, mourning for
man’s inhumanity to man are necessary if
we yearn for light.
A culture like no other, shedding intolerance
like old paint. Liberation is the manifestation
of the art,
and it is an art,
all of it.
Caressing the mind with lover’s hands
as the soil swaddles the seed
whispering to it - that it should grow.
Observe the dance as the soul masters
the elegance of gothic beauty
with no intrusion
into another body’s space
boys and ghouls develop into a faction
swallowing all in a corporeal transcendence.
Night lingers in every place but one -
where the glaring lights of the ghoul’s room
contracts the pupils. Instinctively
hands shield faces like vampires in the sun.
Gangs of Dresden Dolls
fix their black lips and eyes
at the reflecting station
because we do reflect. Despite the rumors.
The solace of affinity pulsates like
blood through the veins when you
return to the dark – a peaceful descent
to the tomb. Covenant’s “Deadstars” calls
the body and mind back
into the sanctuary –
where Carpe Mortem is branded
on everyone’s heart.
Friday, February 2, 2007
So it has occurred to me that in my interests I mentioned that liked to write but I have yet to post anything that I’ve written in a creative type manor, such as poetry and the like. Well, I suppose I’ll post some of it soon enough, but for now I’m exploring the blog writing genre. Speaking of blog writers, I joined a group online call MyBlogLog, has anyone else heard of it? I think I like it, it gives stats about your blog; how many times it’s viewed, what was clicked on and other such details. It also allows you to build this sort of blog base of contacts which allows one to not only view other peoples' blogs, but also puts your info out there for more exposure (judging from the hits on my site so far, I hope it helps).
I still feel very inept however, when it comes to putting things up on either site. I’m definitely not a techie when it comes to this stuff, maybe I’ll figure it out eventually. I’d like to make this site a bit more visually stimulating. Any suggestions would surely be welcome. I’ve seen some really neat stuff on some people’s blogs. One thing though, I’ve never been big on coding so if you have suggestions, please keep it simple for me. I have enough things in my life to cause me stress without intentionally adding to it.
On a different note, it’s Ground Hog’s Day, yippie! Ok, it doesn’t really matter that much to me. In fact, the main reason I bring it up is because the news stated that Phil says that we will have any early Spring. I’m thinking we haven’t really had a winter, so…go figure. This is the first week since last winter that the temperature has fallen below zero, and this is an area where below zero temps are considered usual during winter. Global warming? I don’t know, but I do know that it’s unusual. It seems to me that the seasons have been shifting over the past several years. I mean that they seem to be falling behind schedule. Instead of having spring from March through May, we seem to have it now from April through June and so everything follows, which ends up pushing winter from December through February into January through March. Taking this into account winter has really just started and I would expect that it gets colder before it begins to get warmer. Maybe the calendar is off. Seriously. I remember that at one point they (who ever, they, were at the time) had to literally erase days from the calendar in order to keep it accurate. I think that was part of the reason why we switched from the one to the current. I can never remember which one was/is which; i.e. Georgian and Julian. I know we use one now and the other was used just prior to this one. Anyway, maybe we should adopt the Mayan calendar. In over 2000 years it’s only lost 4 days. I think that could be considered reliable. Until then I guess I’ll just have to keep a mental note that spring is really winter and summer is really spring, and fall is really summer, and summer is really fall, it’s all very confusing. My brain hurts, I’ll have to sort more of this out later.